Thunder
by night serpent
Summary: RemusSeverus slash i think itz intresting i guess just read you'll like it (they meet last day of school) kinda sad, angsty, lost love, please read!


Chance

I have to do it now. My last chance. I'll never see him again. Can't see him again-Sirius wouldn't allow it. Sirius, who took me as his lover-he took me-despite what I am. He is not always gentle, sometimes he takes me when I don't want to, sometimes he makes me bleed -but he took me, I should Love him-I _must_...and yet...My heart belongs to another. The one I have to see-end my fixation.

Where is he? I look through the throng of people milling around, boarding the train. It is the day I leave Hogwarts forever. After today I will go with Sirius wherever he chooses, I suppose. _Poppet_. I don't want to go with him, _really_, but...

AH! There he is! His silky raven hair and onyx eyes contrasted his creamy pale skin. My heart is racing. I approach the thin boy. I am so close.

I tap him on the shoulder.

He whirls around his hair gently swinging. My heart beats even faster. I feel heat rising to my cheeks as he looks at me, despite the coolness of the day..

"Lupin!" He is surprised. He cox an elegant black eye brow, an unintentional turnon.

My tongue grows thick, head reeling, palms sweaty. What do I say-what can I say? The silence is tangible .

He sighs softly and begins to turn,ever graceful, is that...disappointment...that flashed in his eyes so briefly?

"WAIT!" I grab his slender wrist desperately. He can't go yet, He can't!

He turns back in response to my cry looking annoyed, what to do-

I tilt my head up and push myself on him, my body on his, my lips caressing. I can feel his warmth through our clothes. His mouth opens in surprise. Not hesitating I push my tongue deep inside, penetrating, tasting, savoring. I hold this tender moment as long as I can. Reluctantly...

I pull away. Seeing his stunned expression. Beautiful on him. He begins to recover. I wrench my gaze down blushing , not wanting to hear his scathing remarks., he must be disgusted.

Simultaneously the full impact of my actions hits my like a freight train. Indeed I stumble.

He makes a small movement.

I have to leave-not wanting him to reject me, see the disgust in his eyes. Why did I choose to go from timid &docile to such rash boldness-too bold. Yet despite my fears I hope he knows-I love him.

I bolt into the crowd, overcome with self loathing. I feel hot tears on my face-what's wrong with me? Why-why-but I know.

I dread going back to Sirius and the rest. Maybe it's not to late Severus could still take me away-_Don't be foolish you beast!_ I scream at myself. _He hates you-he knows what you are-dirty-unworthy, a piece of shit. _

I thought I heard him calling after me-but no why would he-my mind is so cruel.

_He doesn't want you_. I'm a beast. I think of the whip Sirius' uses on me _"All animals get whipped Remi" _Perhaps I could get him to use it extra-looking forward to the pain I deserve. Thunder cracks over head.

The Slytherin slides through the crowd the fierce wind buffeting him. He glanced upward at the dark clouds threatening rain. Then fixed his gaze on his toes feeling people shove him, not caring. His thoughts were elsewhere. He didn't want to go home..take up his place amongst the deatheaters, didn't want to murder..again.

He grips his left arm.

A tap on his shoulder. The dark boy feels himself tense-an attack-whirls around and freezes.

Remus. Standing there, soft hazel eyes gazing up at him. All creamy skin, and smooth light brown hair, slender body wrapped in a thick woolen cloak. He feels himself blush.

"Lupin!" Severus says coldly. Inwardly cursing his betraying skin and his cold manor. Why him-why Remus-why did he feel this way?

He sees the smaller boy standing there. A minute passes, two. Suppressing a sigh the Slytherin turns trying to mask his disappointment. Dammit you fucking deatheater what did you expect a confession of love? He screamed at himself. Beginning to walk away feeling himself fall deeper into his depression, thinking of the knife that waited in his suit case. Running his slender fingers over the scars on this wrist. Letting his hand drop.

"WAIT!" He heard Remus's pleasant voice call out sounding almost panicky. He felt an electric shock as the Gryffindor's delicate hand closed on is wrist pulling him around. Severus felt his pulse begin to rush, hardly daring to believe it...Don't let yourself believe, he told himself wildly. It's just a trick, a final prank-

He felt soft lips against his, Their hips pressed together, felt the other boys heat. Impulsively he opened his mouth and felt a rush as Remus' tongue entered making love to his mouth. Severus tentatively started kissing back. What are you doing Snape! he mentally slapped himself. Trying desperately to control his body. You like this don't you? A small voice asked

Yeah..he did.

The brunette pulled away. Averting his eyes blushing furiously. He stumbles.

Severus makes a move to catch him, hold him close, cradle him. He _halts.He must be revolted, disgusted, kissing a greasy Slytherin. He and his friends know..know..I love him, they set me up. _Severus thinks wildly. _Why..how cruel, playing with my emotions, like a toy...I am not a_ _toy!_ But the pain of Remus sweet and gentle playing along hurt him the most.

Remus hurries away.

"Wait..please!-Remus.." The slytherin calls desperately to his receding back. _Don't make a fool out of yourself Snape he loathes you, you make his flesh crawl...but I love him._

Remus is out of sight.

_What do you expect...I bet he's laughing at you now_. Chiding himself full of self loathing.

Heading toward the train the boy, who had not cried since his father had taught him not to, whipping the small child until he no tears left, felt them threaten again.

_I am just a toy_. Defeated. _An instrument of the dark unwanted, unloved_.

He moved closer to the train, again thinking of the knife.

Thunder strikes overhead.

END

well watcha think?

Please review..and be nice..my first. (Altho I'll take all reviews)


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